


In Thought

by Lovely_Dovely



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: ADHD Character, ADHD Leonardo, Anxiety, Character Study, Gen, Insecurity, Insomnia, leo centric, obsessive thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 15:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21273629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovely_Dovely/pseuds/Lovely_Dovely
Summary: Sometimes, Leo's brain gets stuck.





	In Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Due to the original release order of the episodes, this fic was written as if Lair Games was a part of season 1 instead of season 2
> 
> Minor spoilers if you haven't seen Shadow of Evil or Lair Games.

Sometimes, Leo's brain gets stuck.

It happens most often at night, while he's laying in bed trying to sleep. During the day, there's always something going on to keep him occupied on other things. Jumping the New York city rooftops, fighting bad guys, keeping up with his family who never seem able to _really_ settle down, it all requires some attention that doesn't allow him to get lost in his own thoughts. But usually right at about midnight, the turtles all retreat into their separate rooms, and then Leo is all alone.

He really does _try_ to sleep, at least. But sitting in the dark, with no distractions in sight, his mind tends to wander.

Sometimes he thinks about Draxum; about how he's hurt him and his brothers, about some of the close calls they'd all had with him. Sometimes he worries about the armor, wondering how many pieces the Foot Clan have already collected, and if they still have a chance of stopping them. Sometimes it's about whatever mutant they may have run into earlier that day, and the harrowing events that had taken place following right after that.

Other times, he thinks about his own incompetence. His brothers all seem way ahead of the curve, in one way or another. Mikey's an artistic prodigy, Donnie's a kid genius, Raph's got enough strength to lift a truck—what does Leo have? Some cheap one-liners? An egocentric charade?

Not to even mention the sword problem. Mikey and Raph have both gone on to make huge strides with their mystic weapons! Meanwhile, Leo can barely make a portal big enough to fit through most times, let alone one that leads exactly where he wants to go. He probably should have stuck with the normal, not-glowy swords and saved himself all the embarrassment...

Once his brain gets stuck in this sort of thought process, it's hard to break out of it. Sometimes he doesn't even realize it's happening, until his chest is tight and his fingers are twitching and his leg is bouncing and it's getting harder to breathe with the lump in his throat—

He thought maybe if he could just get himself to fall asleep faster, he'd be able to bypass all this nonsense. That's why he tricked Donnie into switching rooms with him... but in the end that actually seemed to just make matters worse.

As it turned out, having the sound of Splinter's loud snoring coming through the vents had actually been helping him; it was something he could focus on once he realized he was stuck in a loop. Now, in the complete silence, there was nothing. Realizing he was getting stuck wasn't enough, he needed some external source to pull him out and back to safety. Now, it was just a constant thought of _hey, I'm torturing myself by thinking about this_ without actually being able to stop thinking about it.

Eventually, with putting up enough of a fight, he's at least able to get himself out of bed to walk around. Sometimes just taking a few moments to walk circles around the common room and breathe slowly and shake all the bad feelings out from his fingertips is enough to put him back at ease long enough to get some rest. But most of the time it's not that simple.

There have been plenty of times where his brothers had all woken up in the morning to find Leo already sitting at the breakfast table, drinking tea and giving them a lazy smile with a curt wave. He'd just tell them he woke up early, so they'd think nothing of it. 

On the small occasion one of his brothers wakes up in the middle of the night and walks out to find Leo sitting on the couch reading a Jupiter Jim comic, they may be confused at first, but after a quick question of "Couldn't sleep?" from Leo, they'll usually just settle down next to him without asking. Then they'll either confide in him whatever had been bothering them, or sit in silence drawing comfort from being together. (Leo's usually able to fall asleep during such occasions as this).

Whenever his brothers begin to wake up comes as a huge relief. Finally, after a restless night, he'll have something to focus on other than the whirlpool of thoughts in his head and all the emotions they cause. Once the family gets up, and he gets to listen to them talk and participate in conversation, or show off some cool skateboarding trick he's been working on, or watch Lou Jitsu movies with their dad, temporarily, his brain will be silenced. All the bad thoughts, squashed down and out like a light. Poof! Anxiety gone. 

He's just got to... wait. Power through. Stare at the clock and watch the hours tick by. Count the spots on the wall, or scroll through his phone until he's physically incapable of keeping his eyes open any longer. Maybe if he's lucky he'll actually fall asleep before morning.

This time, he wasn't so lucky. It's almost time for his brothers to get up, and he's sitting on the couch, tilting his head back and staring at the ceiling. He's tapping his heel on the floor and pinching the skin between his thumb and forefinger, not even sure where his mind started tonight for it to have reached this point—but however it started, it's making him feel like garbage now. He's distantly aware that he should go back to bed, but it currently feels like his body is frozen, unable to understand the subconscious command. The only thing that finally manages to get him moving is the sound of something behind him.

Altogether his obsessive thinking comes to a halt and his body freezes as he lifts his head up to better pick up on the noise. Someone is rummaging around in their room, and a moment later, he finds out it was Mikey when he steps out into the common space, yawning.

"Oh, hey Leo," he says quietly as he stops in front of the couch to stretch his arms. "You're up early."

"So are you," Leo replies with a quick glance at the clock: 7:03am. He didn't even realize he'd stayed up so late. It felt like only a couple hours, at most.

"Hmm," Mikey mumbles in response, clearly still waking himself up. "I was hungry. Thinkin' about making some pancakes or something. You want any?"

"Oh heck yeah, pancakes sound great right now!" Leo smiles and stands up, starting towards the kitchen with his little brother. "You need any help making them?"

Mikey squints and gives him an apprehensive look for a second, before responding: "Sure, okay. Just don't burn anything."

Leo scoffs at the idea and starts going through the kitchen cabinets, pulling out whatever they need. He keeps up a playful banter while the two of them cook, and slowly but surely, the anxiousness he'd been dealing with starts to die down. As they finish up, their other two brothers eventually wake up to join them, as well as Splinter.

They eat together, and the better Leo feels the more he realizes just how _exhausted_ he is. He contemplates whether he wants to try powering through the day, or taking a nap after breakfast; Raph might want them to go on a patrol tonight, so it wouldn't be good for him to be tired later. Then again, sleeping right now might make it impossible for him to sleep again tonight, restarting this whole process once more.

Well... whatever he decides to do, he thinks, at least he's not stuck anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, so this is the first thing I've written in 5 years or so, and the first time I've uploaded my work publicly in about 9, so I'm a little rusty lol.  
I was really nervous about posting this, but in a moment of vulnerability my friend managed to convince me. I really hope you enjoyed, and I hope this'll be the first of many for me!


End file.
